One day, I was really bored. I had decided to get Bloons Tower Defence 5 for my computer, and it was great. You should totally play it. But, you also shouldn't, after the experience I had with Bloons Tower Defence 5. After playing and looking at art for Skullgirls, I was pretty hyped to play some Bloons with my buddy. However, he was busy playing the Steam version of Sonic.exe (stupid Steam Greenlight), so I couldn't play with him. I booted up the game to the familiar BTD5 title screen, but it was somehow different. The Ninjakiwi logo looked like a slightly darker shade of red, which freaked me out. After the title screen came, I was really impatient and clicked through it real fast, but I noticed that some of the options, like the Monkey Labs, were disabled. That was kind of strange, but I pressed on. When I went onto Monkey Lane with the difficulty set to Easy, I pretty much owned every Bloon for a while. I was at Round 122 or so when my friend messaged me on Steam. He talked about a secret easter egg on BTD5 at about Round 700. I called bullshit, and wanted to prove him wrong, so I got a week's supply of paper towels, tooth brushes, Cheez-Its, My Little Pony coloring books, sardines, duct tape, Gorilla Glue, and bottles of Jack Daniels and got to work. Every 150 rounds or so I had to take a nap, but I was making great time. My friend was slightly concerned and wanted me to give up, but I knew he would eat his words if I found out this was fake. At Round 647, I had finished off the remains of the Jack Daniels, which made me sad. I soldiered on until I destroyed the final ZOMG of Round 665. Before I even started Round 666, I noticed that my towers were getting slightly off of their usual demeanor. The Dart Monkey that had been with me since the beginning had a sad look, kind of like me after I ran out of booze. My Temples of the Monkey God were looking RIGHT AT ME which I thought was suspicious. Was this the start of the easter egg? Had all of this work been done just to prove my friend right? I hoped to God it wasn't. The split second before I hit the play button, the game screen flashed light blue and then green, which kind of fucked with my eyes. Round 666 started fairly normally, with millions of Bloons getting annihilated by my defences. But, halfway through the round (I checked), all of my towers stopped firing at the enemy Bloons. I was worried that I would die, but the Bloons eventually stopped as well around the end of the track. All of the Temples of the Sun God had their eyes turned to a deep red, and so did my Dart Monkey. A pop-up appeared commanding me to upgrade my already Level 4 Dart Monkey to a Level 5 unit, the "Dark Monkey". I was shocked, as any tower could only go up to Level 4. I definitely had enough money, so I did what it said. To my shock, the Dart Monkey actually changed into a dark, red-eyed figure. I took a screenshot of it, but, when I went to paste it into Paint, all but the bottom left of the image, where it showed the Dark Monkey was corrupted. I settled on that, then went back quickly to the game. The Dark Monkey spoke to me in those pop-ups that said to buy him, and he said some pretty grizzly stuff. Things like, "I know where you go to school", "Give up to the devils", and "ZOMG YOU'RE GONNA DIE". After a bit, the Dark Monkey said one final thing. "I hope you liked this game, because you can never leave. ;)" Suddenly, as if like the Lightning power up of the Monkey Apprentice, all of the Bloons came at the screen, at me. I panicked and tried to close the window, but that only made the computer Blue Screen. I can't escape the game. It follows me everywhere. Everywhere I go, I see balloons that come toward me. I try to run, but it never ends. I can't take it anymore. I see a blimp coming in the distance, and I will end it all before it comes for me. Goodbye, world of balloons.
This was recovered from the computer of Wayne Sheller, who was found dead the week before the department investigated his house. He had killed himself by asphyxiating himself with a red balloon. Aside from this text document, the only things on his computer were a picture he described taking during the incident, Steam, and his copy of Bloons Tower Defence 5. Everything else was seemingly wiped. His case is closed.